March 21, 2002
Venus and I laid the cards on the table right at the beginning of the night: we don't like children. That doesn't, of course, include ALL children, but chances are that if you have a child, and we need to spend a lot of time with it, we won't like it.
I don't like children because I think they're manipulative fakers and they almost always get away with their fakery. Kids are loud, frustrating, attention-seeking and needy, which are okay traits for Venus and I to have, but not when this is coupled with an inability to stay clean, stay amused, or support oneself. Hence: kids. Now, I'll be the first to admit that some children are endearing (especially when they're nervous, bookish Harry Potter types), but when even the cutest ones play with their food I want to puke or scream, and sometimes I do.
Both of us have a recurring fear of children mobbing us in shopping malls, no doubt with fudge all over their hands.
We didn't just bitch about children, though. We've got an extra-special email address that you can use to contact us (Chatty_Catty@hotmail.com) I'm Chatty and Venus is Catty. We also talked a bit about our own ridiculous childhoods and discovered that no matter which song you play, you can always relate it to children in some way, because we were all children once.
Unfortunately.
| Song | Artist | Comments |
| Incantation | Delerium | Jacqueline Laronde, where are you? |
| Kids | Robbie Williams & Kylie Minogue | Venus is in love with Robbie Williams. I don't just mean she wants to have sex with him, I mean: she really LOVES him. |
| Yehiho | Darling Nikkie | |
| Soak Up The Sun | Sheryl Crow | It turns out I am a bit confused about the distinction between Sheryl Crow and Lisa Loeb. Lisa had the glasses, but both she and Sheryl looked like basset hounds. |
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A bit about Muffy's childhood! My mother used to work at Zacks (a clothing store) in a local mall. Between the ages of 7 and 10 (if memory serves me correctly) I spent every weekday of the summer there, hanging around the mall for 8 hours and making a pleasant nuisance of myself. Twice a day I'd eat at Dairy Queen, always ordering a Super Cheese Dog and a milk, and the Dairy Queen had a jukebox. So I would listen to the jukebox while I ate my food, and I always played the same two songs: "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" and Devo's "Whip It." The staff hated me. |
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| Whip It | Devo | |
| Commercial Breakup | Thomas Dolby | As a child I couldn't decide whether I wanted to be Thomas Dolby or Laura Brannigan. |
| Kids In America | Kim Wilde | |
| The Riddle | Nik Kershaw | At one time I had a bit of a crush on Nik Kershaw. Now that I look back I realize he had an enormous head and was actually pretty ugly. |
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A bit about Venus' childhood! Venus, growing up in a small town, dealt with a certain amount of teasing and bullying. Her dad flipped out when he caught her sister applying makeup to the young, not-very-butch Venus, which was perhaps a seminal event. Now, years later, Venus dreams of fame and fortune and a house outside her old hometown: a huge mansion that everybody needs to walk past whenever they go anywhere. "Remember Venus?" they'll say, and feel absolutely worthless and inferior to the goddess she has become. |
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| Angel In My Pocket | One To One | |
| I Want You Back | Sherry Kean | Inventor of the curious Sherry Kean dance! |
| Cosmetics | Gowan | First concert I ever saw. |
| Andy (English Version) | Les Rita Mitsouko | |
| Spirit In The Sky | Mark Weiser | |
| Little One | Bing Crosby | He fits the theme because he used to treat his children horribly. |
| "Zing" Went The Strings Of My Heart | Judy Garland | For the Divine Diva Divine and Taylor Maid! |
| Too Darn Hot | Ann Miller | |
| Aba Daba Honeymoon | Debbie Reynolds & Carlton Carpenter | Ooooo, horrifying. |
| Thief Of Hearts | Madonna | Venus' ANGRY song of the night! At this point, unfortunately, I forget why. |
| Plastic | Alanis | Child star, and Venus' girl! |
| Forever Young | Temperence | |
| I'll Fly With You | Gina D'Agontino | I pretty much collapsed from low blood-sugar at this point... but it was fun! |
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