CREEPY PEDRO

Episode 1: The Tenderlion 

    EPISODE ONE begins with Pedro hiding behind the couch in the livingroom.  Mom is on the phone with her friend China, soliciting ideas on how to lure Pedro out.

MOM: No, China darling, listen, listen!  It isn't as easy as that.  I can't just ask him to come out, I have to make him want to come out... {Quietly} ...and if you know Pedro at all, you know how hard it is to figure out what he wants.  {Silence, listening}  Threats don't work, no, he's insensate to anything but heat and extreme pain, and you know how these liberal-minded meddly- poo doctors-- {Listens} Sometimes he goes outside without his shirt on.  {Listens} Or his pants.  No, China, dear, I think that positive reinforcement is the only solution so just a second, I have an idea.

MOM: Pedro darling, it's mummy.  {No answer.  Then, quickly, all in a rush:} Your favorite television program is on.  I've got some candy for you.  Would you like to go visit gramma?  Mummy bought you a shiny new bike.  Come answer the phone!  There's a pretty squirrel out in the yard.  Some kids outside want to play with you.  {Pause}

MOM: Damnit, China, I've tried everything and he just won't come out.  Frankly, I'm fed up and he can stay there all day if he wants to, and to hell with Children's Aid.  {Pause}  No, I've had enough.  When we remodel -- and lord knows when we'll finally get around to doing that -- we'll move the couch to another corner of the room, and if he wants to spend the rest of his life behind it he'll have to move too.  {Pause}  No, China, I disagree.  It would look much better under the windowseat.  {Pause}  Okay, tennis?  I'll be right there.  Bye!

MOM: I'm going now Pedro.  Do you have a kiss for mummy?  {Waits, silence.  Then, quietly, on her way out} Yick, kissing Pedro, imagine that.

PEDRO: Boy, it took long enough, but now I've got the house to myself and I can start having FUN!

PEDRO: {Footsteps} Now that Mom's gone I can find out what Lucio Bambino De La Noche wants me to do today!

LUCIO: Hello Pedro.  Have you noticed that your mother is taking longer and longer to leave everyday?

PEDRO: Yeah, it seemed like FOREVER!

LUCIO: I don't think I like your mother much anymore, Pedro.

PEDRO: Aw, she's okay...

LUCIO: She might be planning something terrible.  Maybe she's changed!

PEDRO: {Panicking} No, not my MOM!  {Pause} She wouldn't do anything terrible to me, would she Lucio?  {Pause}  Lucio?  Are you still there?

LUCIO:  Of course I am, Pedro.  I'll always be here.  Just watch her, is all I'm suggesting.  Watch...and beware.

PEDRO: {Happy again} Okay!  I will!  Is there anything else you want me to do, Lucio?

LUCIO: Have you counted the tomatoes yet today?

PEDRO: The tomatoes!  I almost forgot!

LUCIO: Don't forget to put on your Pantry Hat, Pedro.

PEDRO: Jeez, I'm forgetting everything today.  {FX: Pedro ripping off a length of tinfoil and moulding it to his head.}  Okay, now, it's kinda dark in here so I'll have to...ah, here's the basket, and...alright.  One tomato...two...three...

LUCIO: Not too close, Pedro.

PEDRO: ...four...five...six.  Alright, there are definitely six tomatoes in the basket today.  What does that mean, Lucio?

LUCIO: It means your circle of friends and acquaintances has grown too small.  You should go down to the Tenderlion and meet new people.

PEDRO: All-right!  Let's do that, Lucio!  Let's go meet some cool people!  Where's my coat?

LUCIO: Don't go in the closet today, Pedro.

PEDRO: But what am I supposed to wear?

LUCIO: You could wear the bedspread.

PEDRO: Yay!  Just like being in bed, but still walking around!  This is fun!  {He shuffles around the room in the bedspread, exclaiming, then falls down.  Something smashes.}  Easy to trip over too, but the only things I'm sensible to are heat and extreme pain!  I'm A-OKAY!

LUCIO: And you broke your mother's favourite crystal ornament.

PEDRO: Will she be angry?

LUCIO: Oh, yes.

PEDRO: Alright, let's go!

PEDRO: My mother and me moved here so many years ago, I don't remember how many, but it was before that time I got my hair cut, and I think there was a satellite...

LUCIO: Sputnik.

PEDRO: There was a satellite called Sputnik-- Hey, Samantha!  Wait up!

SAM: I'm just standin' here, I'm not goin' anywhere.

PEDRO: How's tricks on this sunny day, Samantha?

SAM: Aww, Pedro, you know how it is, I been here for hours an' my feet really hurtin', m'dogs, y'know, really bein' tired for hours an' hours now...but I made fifty bucks, an it was jus', y'know, jus' somethin' easy.

PEDRO: You look beautiful today!

SAM: You say that ever-day, cutie!  But thanks a bunch, an' you're lookin' pretty cute y'self, but idn'it kinda warm for a bedspread today, Pedro?

PEDRO: I like the parrots all over it, it's like a jungle.

SAM: {Laughing} You're jus' a walkin' jungle today, ain't'ya Pedro!  A real walkin' jungle!  Hee hee hee!

PEDRO: Ha ha!

SAM: Aren't ya 'fraid you're gonna trip an' fall down?

PEDRO: Fear is a human emotion.

JOHN: {Shouting out of car} Hey thar pretty lady!

SAM: {Out of the corner of her mouth} Scram, Pedro!

JOHN: D'you know where a guy like me can have a good time in this neighbourhood, lady?

PEDRO: Yay, cool car!

SAM: I can think of a few spots, y'know, one or two nice spots around here...right here, right round here if you know what I mean, an' if you've got some money...

PEDRO: {Interrupting} There's some people --

JOHN: Who's this?

SAM: Pedro, I tole you, I'm workin'!  Get lost!

PEDRO: These people play hockey, in the arena just over there, and sometimes they have cheerleaders, and they have a good time.  You could go over there.

SAM: {Very angry} Jesus, Pedro, you jus' fucked me all up, you idiot!  I'm jus' tryin' t' make the money I need, y'know, an' the money my man needs, an' I'm doin' my best, an there you are wearin' your dirty bedsheets an' with that...stupid tinfoil hat on your head --

PEDRO: {Offended} My pantry hat!

SAM: -- an' I tole you before, an' all that, when I'm standin' here and I'm tryin' t' make money, an' I tell you get lost, you get lost, okay creepy guy?

PEDRO: Okay, Samantha, I'm sorry.

SAM: My name's Pamela if I already tole you a hunnert times.

PEDRO: Sorry, Samantha.  {No answer} Bye.  I'm going to the Tenderlion now.

SAM: {Yelling across the street} Hey, you wanna date?

STINKY: Psss!

PEDRO: Huh?

STINKY: Over here, Pedro!

PEDRO: Oh, hi there Stinky!  How're your roses today?

STINKY: Oh you know how it is.  Little bit of fertilizer, little bit of sunlight...roses GROW!  Lookit'm growin', right before yer eyes!

PEDRO: {Amazed} Wow!

STINKY: {Conspiratorial} Wanna learn somethin' new today, Pedro?

PEDRO: I'm in a hurry, kind of...

STINKY: Won't take but a second.  {Hushed} It's about roses and my way of growin' 'em, and it's somethin' every man, woman and child on God's great earth could stand to learn.

PEDRO: {Pause} Okay...

STINKY: Come over here, I'll give you a lesson... {Sound of them walking} And when I said that about every man, woman and child I was leavin' out the Revisionists, as you should already know, havin' talked to me before and having learned my lessons time an' time again...

PEDRO: Oh, yeah, of course Stinky.

STINKY: But the revisionists are a whole other topic, for another day, when we're talkin' history.  Today we're talkin' fertilizer, which is somethin' you might already know about.

PEDRO: It's poo.

STINKY: 'Course it is, Pedro, but this here's special poo.  When Mr. Berlin, my ex -- rest his soul -- was alive, he knew a man named Danny Maguire, and Danny was the best damn gardener ever.  He was also a right shot at a game of pool, and you couldn't fool Danny 'bout NOTHIN.  So one day Danny and my hubby get to talkin' -- 'chawin' we used to call it, in my day -- and Danny has a little bit too much to drink, and he points to this burn-mark on his arm, like there was a bracelet there once, but it was a bracelet of fire.

PEDRO: Ooo, ouch.

STINKY: Ouch is right.  And Danny says t' my hubby, "D'ya know what this is?"  An my hubby, bein' no fool, says "Yeah, it's a burn on yer skin," an' Danny says, "But d'ya know how it got there?"

STINKY: Well?  {Stinky slaps Pedro}

PEDRO: Ow, Stinky!

STINKY: You payin' attention, boy?

PEDRO: Yeah, Stinky, we're talkin' poo an' stuff...

STINKY: But d'ya know how it GOT THERE?

PEDRO: The poo?

STINKY: What, you think it jus' grows there, on my roses?  You think I jus' wake up in the mornin' an' ever-thing's jus' fertilized, like Jack Frost did it, or somethin'?

PEDRO: Who's Jack Frost?

STINKY: {Disgusted} Anybody thinks ol' Jack, rest his soul, would jus' take a poo on my roses, got somethin' wrong with him.

PEDRO: Something IS wrong with me, Stinky!  Everybody says so!

STINKY: {Ignoring Pedro's comment}  Ol' Jack Berlin ran Berlin's grocery store for 25 years, carried on the way his daddy did, an' his daddy afore him, even grew his own radishes, made radish moonshine, you're sayin', Pedro --

PEDRO: I'm not saying anything...

STINKY: -- you're saying, that dear old Jack Berlin, who never hurt anyone -- or even had time to, workin' every blessed hour of the day in his very own grocery store --

PEDRO: He pooed on your roses?

STINKY: HE MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT!

PEDRO: {Suddenly} Okay, bye now Stinky!

STINKY: {Receeding} HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING!

PEDRO: I don't know if I learned anything from Stinky today.

LUCIO: I think she knows about the tomatoes, Pedro.  She was giving you a funny look.  We mustn't understimate her.

PEDRO: Sheesh!  I forgot about my hat!

LUCIO: Stay calm, we're almost there...

PEDRO: Where?

LUCIO: The Tenderlion.

PEDRO: {Awestruck} This must be my most favourite place in the world.  Not that I've ever been anywhere, except parts of Germany, but still...I'm sure that no-place can compare to the sights and the sounds and the smells of the Tenderlion.

LUCIO: What do you see, Pedro?  Ohh, if only I had eyes...

PEDRO: I see windows with posters of nudie-women, and overflowing trash-cans, and I see cars with people living inside them...

PASSERBY: Outta th' way, freaky-boy.

PEDRO: An' I see...an' I see lots of clotheslines, and broken windows, and pigeons...

LUCIO: Dead or alive?

PEDRO: Dead, and hey!  There's a guy wearin' a bedspread too!  HEY LUCIO!  TWO GUYS ARE WEARIN' BEDSPREADS!

LUCIO: And pantry-hats?

PEDRO: {Chuckling} Ah, Lucio Bambino De La Noche, I'm the only person in the world with a pantry-hat.  {Pause}  Hey, here comes a man with a sock on his wee-wee!

NAKED MAN: Hello.

PEDRO: Are you having a nice day?

NAKED MAN: A little humid.

PEDRO: Yeah, huuuuu-mid!

NAKED MAN: And you?

PEDRO: Oh, I'm just great!  Me and my friend Lucio decided to come here so I could meet some new friends!  Will you get to know me now, and become my friend?

NAKED MAN: Ummm...no.

PEDRO: Why do you have a sock on your wee-wee?

NAKED MAN: Sorry, I don't know you, I'm going to walk away now.

PEDRO: Sheesh.

TEENAGE BOY: Hey Pedro, whussup?

PEDRO: I know you from school!  You're in the special class too, but I don't remember your name!

TEENAGE BOY: Whatchoo doin' out here?  You're out of your element, my friend.

PEDRO: Well, that's an interesting story!  Lucio Bambino de la Noche told me that, because there were six tomatoes in the pantry, my circle of friends must be too small!  So he told me to come here, to the Tenderlion, to meet new friends!

TEENAGE BOY: Yah.  That's not too strange, really.

PEDRO: And here I am, with you!

TEENAGE BOY: I got someone you should meet, ha ha.  Maybe he'll be your frien' or somethin', y' know, join the circle.  An all that.  He's in here.

PEDRO: But I don't even know your name!  I don't think I should go into this place with you!

TEENAGE BOY: You wanna make friends, you said, so get in there!

PEDRO: Lucio!  Lucio, where are you?  I don't think this is a good idea, I'm getting scared!

TEENAGE BOY: Shift it Pedro, people wanna get in too.

PEDRO: Oh nooooooooo!

PEDRO: This isn't so bad afterall!

TEENAGE BOY: What'd I tell you, ya goof...come on...

PEDRO: But I don't think I fit in.  It's nice of you to show me and Lucio around, and everything --

TEENAGE BOY: You're crazy, y'know?  All the teachers say you're crazy, but you really are.

PEDRO: I know!  I know I'm crazy!

TEENAGE BOY: Just c'mon...

PEDRO: But I don't fit in here!  I don't have any cowboy boots!

TEENAGE BOY: Aw geez Pedro, neither do I.  And besides, nobody can see your feet, 'cause your bedspread's so long.

LUCIO: He's right, Pedro!  You can just pretend!

PEDRO: Pretend?  I've never pretended to wear cowboy boots before!

LUCIO: You can do it!

PEDRO: Of course I can!  {Singing} Clomp, clomp, clomp, I'm a cow-boy!  Walkin' around with my big boots on!  Clomp, clomp, clomp, I'm just another cow-boy!  Walkin' in my boots that jingle and my spurs all a-jangle and my belt made out of feathers and my human skull...

CHOOT: Whoa!

PEDRO: Oops, sorry!

CHOOT: Who's this with the mighty big boots?  You jus' near knocked my durn table over!

TEENAGE BOY: He's just this crazy kid, he's Pedro, wants to make new friends, thought you could show him around, he he.

PEDRO: I'm sorry, sir!  I was just pretendin'!  I know I don't belong!

CHOOT: {Chuckling} Boy, there's nothin' wrong with pretendin'...and in a place like this, it might just save your life!

PEDRO: {Still flustered} I was pretendin' to be a cowboy...

CHOOT: Just pretendin', were ya?  You sure fooled me, and I been a cowboy since I was younger 'n little Yohan here...

TEENAGE BOY: Aw dad!

PEDRO: Your name's Yohan?

TEENAGE BOY: It's Black Death, dad!  My name's Black Death! {On the verge of tears} You're always embarassin' me!

CHOOT: Hee hee!

PEDRO: Yohan's a wonderful name!

CHOOT: So you wanna be a cowboy, do you Pedro?

PEDRO: {Whispering} Do I want to be a cowboy, Lucio?

LUCIO: Yes you do!

PEDRO: I'd love to be a cowboy, sir!

CHOOT: Hee hee!  Don' call me sir, pardner, my name's Texas Chooter, but you can just call me Choot.  And if you like, you can come along with me, and you can be a real cowboy!

PEDRO: Pleased to meet you, Choot, and that would be nice.  But how?

CHOOT: Let's just say that, due to circumstances I'm not interested in gettin' into at the moment, I'm in a position to take you anywhere in the world...even to the Calgary Stampede!  YEEHAW, BOY!  Imagine you up there, buckin' a crazy wild bronco, yer head bouncin' around like...well, like the way a real cowboy's head bounces around!  An' later, you can chase a terrified baby cow aroun' in the mud, and tie it up so's it can't walk no more!  Isn't that the life, boy?  What an adventure!  And all you gotta say is yes!

PEDRO: {Pauses, thinking}  So you can take me anywhere in the whole world?

CHOOT: Well, not Texas.  I guess I shoulda clarified that: anywhere in the world EXCEPT Texas.  So kid, you gonna go to the Stampede, become a famous cowboy, have the time of your life?

PEDRO: I think I'll go to Belgium instead, please.

CHOOT: Belgium...I suppose if you really want t' go there, not many cowboys...

PEDRO: I'd love to go to Belgium, Choot!

CHOOT: But Pedro...the baby cows!  All the baby cows in Belgium, they're not tied up!  They jus' run around, and nobody knocks 'em down!  What kind of a place is that, an' who wants to go there?

PEDRO: I do!  Please, Mr. Choot!

CHOOT: Well I suppose...I reckon...we could go there if you really want to...jus' let me pay my tab, here...

PEDRO: This is fantastic!  We're going to Belgium this week!

PEDRO: Wow, we're in Kortrijk, my favourite Belgian district!  Look at all the houses!

CHOOT: 'Jus normal houses to me...

PEDRO: They're Belgian houses, and there are over 100,000 of them in Kortrijk!  I want to see every one!  Let's start here.

PEDRO: Hello hello hello!

CHOOT: Aw, now this is a pretty porch swing.  {FX: Choot sitting on squeaky porch swing}

PEDRO: See?  Wasn't it worth it, coming here?

CHOOT: Lemme tell you, Pedro, there's some nifty furniture at that Calgary Stampede...

PEDRO: Hello!  Is anybody home?

CHOOT: I bet ever-one speaks Belgianese, here.

PEDRO: We'll use interpretive hand gestures!

CHOOT: Well I'm tellin' you, Pedro, if I see a baby cow, I don't care dingbells 'bout no stupid Belgian laws, I'm gonna chase it down an' I'm gonna rope it up!

PEDRO: That's okay, Choot!

GEERARD: Hello?

CHOOT: Oh, excuse me sir... {FX: Choot standing up} ...just takin' a load off, y'know...

PEDRO: You live here, in Kortrijk!

GEERARD: Actually, I'm just visiting.

PEDRO: Isn't this a wonderful place to visit?

GEERARD: Well I don't know, it's all sort of...bureaucratic and sterile.

PEDRO: That's what I love about Belgium!

CHOOT: Sorry, sir, about smudgin' yer porch swing...

GEERARD: Oh that's okay.  I don't really live here.

PEDRO: Don't you just love visiting Belgium?

GEERARD: Not really.  No.  {pause}  No, actually I don't like Belgium very much.

PEDRO: {Pause}  Is there anyone else in there we can talk to?

GEERARD: No, I'm the only one home...there is a dog, somewhere--

PEDRO: Oh let's talk to the dog!

CHOOT: No, Pedro, we have to go.  Our time here is up.  Much obliged, friend.

GEERARD: Oh, it's...no problem...are you sure you don't want to talk to the dog?

CHOOT: Saddle up, Pedro, we're on our way home!

      {FX: Choo-choo music, maybe going backwards and running down at the end like a record.}
      {FX: Fade-in of walking sounds, back in the Tenderloin, traffic sounds etc.}

TEENAGE BOY: I can't believe you went to Belgium.  You're a real nerdball, Pedro.

PEDRO: Shut up!  That's not even a real word!

CHOOT: What're you so upset about there, pardner?

PEDRO: You make up words, too!  I heard you say dingbells back in Belgium, and that is definitely not a real word!

CHOOT: It don't matter, Pedro.

PEDRO: You and your kid are just...spouting neologisms!

TEENAGE KID:  Neologisms?  As if that's a real word!

CHOOT: So what's eatin' you anyway, Pedro?  Aren't you glad to be back in the Tenderloin with us?

PEDRO: It's not Tenderloin, it's TenderLION, you dumb old cowboy!

TEENAGE KID: Everybody know's it's Tenderloin.

PEDRO: You two are just ganging up on me, because of your unbreakable blood-tie!

CHOOT: Easy now, little one!  We're your new friends, you can tell us what's wrong.

PEDRO: {Taking a deep breath}  Sorry guys, I really am.  It's just, this bedspread's gettin' awful hot, and everytime I go to Belgium, home just seems so...

CHOOT: Interestin'!

PEDRO: Dull and bad!

CHOOT: Well, let's see about cheerin' you up then!  That's what friends are for, afterall, to make you feel happy when you're sad, and to...shove over, you old bag.  Here, Pedro, sit down.  Now I just wish I had my cowboy gui-tar for this, but you'll just have to bear with me pardner, I haven't sung in awhile...

TEENAGE KID: And he drinks a lot.

CHOOT: Hee hee, yup, I sure do!  Alright, here's how it goes, listen up Pedro.

                    "When you're feeling down,
                     When you're low and blue, well,
                     There's a cowboy watchin' over yoooooooou--"

PEDRO: Stop it, you're making it worse!

CHOOT: But I just started!

TEEANGE KID: Aw, dad, everybody can see where it's goin', "blue," "you," "buckaroo," "lasso..."

CHOOT: Damnit kid, you're givin' away the ending!  {whining} Lemme jus' sing it once, it's been so long...

TEENAGE KID: {To Pedro} He hasn't sung it since Texas.  That's why they won't let him back there.

CHOOT: C'mon, Yohan, jus' this once!  We can do a duet!

TEENAGE KID: Damnit dad, my name's Black Death!  Awwww, {Getting really upset}

PEDRO: {Sad} Oh no, now we're all upset.

TEENAGE KID: {To Choot} I HATE you, you old bum!

PEDRO: He's not that old...

TEENAGE KID: And I hate you too, Creepy Pedro.  What happened to you anyway, you dumb kid?  Why are you so creepy?

PEDRO: Aw, it's not a very good story.

CHOOT: {Recovering} Hearin' about another's misfortune always cheers me up!  It's the cowboy way, Pedro.

TEENAGE KID: Were you always creepy?

PEDRO: I don't think so.  Well, I really don't remember.  I think I was normal until I got hit by Sputnik.

            {FX: Silence.  This is an easy FX}

CHOOT: The satellite.

PEDRO: Russian satellite.

CHOOT: {Losing it} What in tarnation are you talkin' about, Pedro?  Are you crazy??  Sputnik's still up there!

PEDRO: Well, I was only six years old.

TEENAGE KID: Dad, he's nuts, that's all.

CHOOT: Oooh, I need a drink now.

PEDRO: I need a hotdog.  Hello, sir?  Can I buy one of your hotdogs?

HOTDOG VENDOR: If you want, man.  I'm not gonna stop you.

PEDRO: Do you like working at a hotdog stand?

HOTDOG VENDOR: No, I hate it.

PEDRO: Why do you hate it?

HOTDOG VENDOR: That's none of your business.

PEDRO: Wow, another friend!

CHOOT: Just eat your hotdog, Pedro.  Here, it's on me.

PEDRO: Thanks, Choot!  {Eating} Mmmmm...neat!  This hotdog is amazing!  It's the best hotdog I've ever eaten!  Here, Choot, try some!

CHOOT: Sorry, I don't eat.

PEDRO: Yohan?  I mean, Black Death?

TEENAGE KID: Not after you've touched it.

PEDRO: Okay, more for me!  {Eating}  I swear, I've never had a hotdog so good before!  Lucio!  Hey, Lucio, are you still here?

LUCIO: I'm always here, Pedro.

TEENAGE KID: Who's Lucio?

PEDRO: {Still eating} Lucio, this is Texas Chooter and his son, Black Death.

LUCIO: Pleased to meet you.

HOTDOG VENDOR: Is he a Pooka?

PEDRO: Oh, and this is a guy who sells hotdogs.

LUCIO: Pleased to meet you.

HOTDOG VENDOR: I said, is he a Pooka?

PEDRO: No, Lucio's a spaceman from Planet Guelph.  Hey, Lucio, we still have that deal, right, where I can go backwards in time once a day?

LUCIO: Of course.

PEDRO: Well, I want to go back in time to enjoy that hotdog again!

CHOOT: I can just buy you another one.

PEDRO: No thank you Choot, no hotdog could be as good as the one I just ate, and I intend to go back and eat it again!

LUCIO: Okay Pedro, hold on...I'm setting the Space-Time Fabric-Steamer to...three and a half minutes ago!

            {FX: Zooming whoop-whooping space-time-folding sounds}
            {FX: A quiet Tenderloin moment, with Pedro eating his hotdog}

PEDRO: Mmmm!  Wow, this hotdog is amazing!  Here, try some, Chooter!

CHOOT: Sorry, I don't eat.

PEDRO: Oh yeah, I forgot!  And if you did eat a bite, the very fabric of time might unravel!

CHOOT: Would it?

TEENAGE KID: I'll have some.

PEDRO: No, you can't!  You didn't have any the first time, so you can't have any now!  Who knows what could happen if you ate some of my hotdog.  The world could end!

TEENAGE KID: You're just being greedy.

CHOOT: Did the satellite hit you on the head, Pedro?

PEDRO: Yeah, right on the head.  Mmmmmm.  {Finishing hotdog}  It was almost as good the second time around!

CHOOT: Was it going real fast?

PEDRO: Re-entry speed, and on fire, too!

TEENAGE KID: I wish I coulda seen that.

PEDRO: They killed everyone who saw it.

TEENAGE KID: Except you, of course.

PEDRO: Well, I didn't really see it.  It hit me from behind.  Well everyone, I guess the tomatoes were right!  I had a great day here in the Tenderlion, I went to Belgium and almost met a dog, I made some new friends, and I ate a great hotdog!  Twice!  I'm afraid I'm all tuckered out.  It's time to go home!

CHOOT: See ya, pardner!

PEDRO: Goodbye!  See you in class, Black Death!

TEENAGE KID: Yeah, maybe.  Just don't pretend you know me.

PEDRO: Alright!  Bye, Hot-Dog Vendor!  {Pause}  Bye!

HOTDOG VENDOR: Bye.

            {FX: Happy music, transition to home, Pedro's bedroom.  Bedtime music-box music}

PEDRO: Aw, it's nice to be back in my warm bed, Lucio.  I'm glad I made some new friends, but the best thing about being with friends, is leaving them and going home!  {Yawn}  I wonder what we'll do tomorrow?

LUCIO: Only the tomatoes know, Pedro.

PEDRO: {Yawn, starting to slur} Yeah, only the tomatoes know...ah geez, I'm so...sleepy...

            {FX: Cowboy song slowly drifts in, Texas Chooter's voice echoey and
                young-sounding, sort of an odd doo-wop feel to the song}

CHOOT: "So next time when you're feelin' so down-down-down,
        An' you're the loneliest cowpoke in town-town-town,
        Buckaroo... (Buckaroo, Buckaroo, sh-boo)
        There's a cowboy who's a-watchin' you, oh yeah,
        There's a cowboy...watchin'...you."

PEDRO: {Hysterical} Ma!  Ma!  There's a cowboy watchin' me, he's just sittin' there and watchin' me!  I don't like being stared at!  Ma, help me!

            {FX: Door opens}

MOM: Shut up.

PEDRO: There's a cowboy, an- an- and he's watchin' me!

MOM: Okay.

            {FX: Door shuts}

PEDRO: Mommy!!!

MOM: {Footsteps walking away}  Go to sleep, Pedro.

PEDRO: But!  {Suddenly whispering}  Chooter said that, no matter what...he's always watchin' me!  Why's he doin' that?  I don't like it when people watch me...

CHOOT: {Echoey}  I'm here Pedro, and I'm watching you...

PEDRO: {Screams} NO!!!

            {FX: Creepy Pedro theme song, instrumental version, played over credits}

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