The Official She-Devils On Heels Jesse Tree!

Are you tired of that same-old, boring "Jesse Tree" that you've been forcing the children to decorate every year?  Looking for a new take on the Advent, from some real modern-day scholars and prophets?  If so, here are some ornaments for your official "She-Devils On Heels" Jesse Tree.  Please keep in mind that these were conceived and drawn during the December 14th show by Muffy St. Bernard, based only on tantalizing hints provided by Annie Drogyny.  Muffy feels she is qualified to design these ornaments because of her previous job (court artist for the Vatican).

Print these ornaments out, colour them, and hang them on whatever you feel best represents the Advent!  (We chose to hang them on a Diet Coke can, which worked out until we got thirsty)

Hey kids!  Cut these ornaments out and COLOUR them!

This is Noah listening to God, while standing beside an ark (not to scale).  In Biblical Times, God's commands sometimes looked like clouds. Here is a fantastic picture of Isaiah, the prophet!  As we all know he was extremely fat, with only vestigial limbs, and somebody visited him occasionally to cut his hair. This picture represents a post-Salome John The Baptist.  He's still smiling because Salome is hanging around.  Those little tomatoes on the platter are for Isaiah.

Of course we ALL know Adam, the father of man, who is climbing a wall in order to escape a rabbit. I wasn't sure what David (the "King Of The Jews") looked like, but I figured his crown would also contain a Menorah.  This particular Menorah has fewer than the requisite number of candles.  I'm sorry. And here's David's father!  I figured that he would probably be fertile (hence the crotch-bulge) and a little bit shifty, as all father-kings are.

This picture of Abraham might be a little confusing until you realize that he's using the world's first sewing machine!  But he's not very good at it yet, which is why he's upset. Hooray for Mary, with her Jesus-bearing hips and midriff-baring top!  In this picture she is giving Joseph "the hand." And this is Joseph, riding the happiest camel you've ever seen.  He has a skeletal hand and a crick in his neck.

MERRY

CHRISTMAS,

KIDS!

Here is Moses standing next to my grandmother's grave.  I figured he'd be a sort of pirate, but instead of having a parrot on his shoulder he would have a turtle.

 And last but not least: the baby Jesus, a gremlin with an unusually high crotch, standing in front of the Eiffel Tower!

 

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